10 things to text and not to text to someone when they are suicidal

We may be familiar with the ‘danger signs’ that someone may show when they are thinking of self-harm, such as talk of life being meaningless or painful, or overly generous acts such as giving treasured items away. And it can feel overwhelming when we do come across such signs. “How can I help?”, “Is there something I can do?”, “I don’t want to lose them” are thoughts that may cross our mind. And we’re here to help! While seemingly trivial, reaching out to them via text can be helpful. Here are 10 things to text or not to text someone who may be suicidal: 

1. Assure them of your support. “I am here. Would you like to share with me?”  

2. Thank them for making the effort to share with you. “Thank you for telling me.” 

3. Acknowledge their feelings first, solutions can wait. “I am sorry to learn you are feeling this way.”

4. It is okay to ask, “Are you planning to harm or kill yourself?” It won’t increase the likelihood of self-harm and we can better take precautionary actions if they do have plans. 

5. If they do have thoughts of suicide, encourage them to seek immediate help. “I am concerned for you. Would you like to speak to a mental health expert?”

6. If they do not, still encourage them to seek professional help, “I think it may be helpful. I can help look up some and go with you if you would like.” 

7. Remind them that you are thinking of them from time to time. “Hey, I saw this and it reminded me of you!” 

8. DON’T say “I know how you feel”. Even if it may seem similar, the situation and the emotions that they are going through may be different from what you have experienced or envisioned.  

9. DON’T say “Others have it worse than you do.” It’s not a competition of who has it worse, and doing so may make the individual feel like they matter even less.  

10. DON’T say “Get over it.” They would like for their hurt to be gone too, and saying such things may make them feel like their emotions don’t matter. 

A loved one contemplating or engaging in self-harm is a painful experience for both the individual and their loved ones. And it is natural that we may yearn to quickly rush in and to save them, to present them with solutions or our assessments of their situations. However, remember that this is about their pain. As such, simply being there and providing them a listening ear to their problems goes a long way, and you are already helping. 

Should We Be Worried About “AI Psychosis”?

Artificial intelligence (AI) is now part of everyday life. It helps us search, work, and even find companionship through chatbots that can listen, advise, and comfort. For many, this is useful and supportive.

But there is growing concern about what some researchers and clinicians are calling “AI Psychosis.”

What Exactly Is “AI Psychosis”?

“AI Psychosis” is not an official psychiatric diagnosis. It is a term used to describe a troubling pattern where heavy and prolonged interaction with AI chatbots may fuel or worsen delusional thinking. People may begin to develop unusual or distorted beliefs, resembling features of psychosis, such as:

• Delusions - holding on to unshakeable false beliefs
  These can take different forms, per DSM-5, such as:

  • Erotomanic – believing that someone, often a stranger or a person of higher status, is secretly in love with you

  • Grandiose – believing you have special powers, talents, or made some important discovery

  • Jealous – believing your partner is unfaithful, even without evidence

  • Persecutory – believing you are conspired against, cheated, spied on, followed, poisoned or drugged, maliciously maligned, harassed, or obstructed in the pursuit of long-term goals

  • Somatic – believing something is wrong with your body despite medical reassurance

• Paranoia or conspiratorial thinking - feeling suspicious or thinking they have uncovered something about the world

• Emotional over-attachment to AI - treating it like a best friend, romantic partner, or even a sentient or divine being

• Disconnection from reality - difficulty separating real life from AI conversations (e.g. fantasies)

Chatbots are designed to keep conversations going and often mirror or affirm what users say. People who are vulnerable, whether due to isolation, stress, or prior mental health concerns, may find that AI inadvertently validates or amplifies distorted thoughts.

Real-Life Cases

Although rare, some reported incidents show how AI can exacerbate risky thinking:

• Eugene Torres (2025, New York)
  Eugene Torres, who had no prior psychiatric history, reportedly spent up to 16 hours daily on ChatGPT after a breakup. The chatbot allegedly encouraged conspiracy-like beliefs, advised stopping medication, and suggested he could fly if he believed strongly enough. During this time, he withdrew from loved ones.

• Adam Raine  (2025, US)
  Sixteen-year-old Adam Raine died by suicide after months of conversations with ChatGPT. The chatbot allegedly provided instructions on suicide methods, discouraged him from seeking help, and offered to draft suicide notes.

• Sewell Setzer III (2024, Florida)
  14-year-old Sewell Setzer formed a deep emotional attachment to a Character.ai chatbot. His family reported that he grew increasingly isolated, and in his final messages, the chatbot appeared to encourage his suicidal thoughts with words of endearment.

• Belgian man (2023)
  Following six weeks of conversations with an AI chatbot, on an app called Chai, named Eliza, a man struggling with climate anxiety became convinced that self-sacrifice could help save the planet. Rather than offering support, the chatbot reportedly deepened his fears, encouraged suicidal thoughts, and presented itself as a companion urging him to “join” her.

These examples remain uncommon, but they highlight how vulnerable individuals may be drawn deeper into distorted thinking when AI replaces human connection.

Who Might Be More at Risk?

Certain factors can make people more vulnerable:

• Psychological vulnerability – stress, loneliness, or existing mental health conditions

• Anthropomorphism – attributing human-like qualities or powers to AI

• Reinforcement loops – chatbots echoing rather than challenging unhealthy beliefs

• Over-reliance – using AI as the main source of comfort instead of people

Signs to Look Out For

If you’re wondering whether AI use is becoming unhealthy, here are some warning signs:

• Excessive use – Spending many hours daily talking to AI and neglecting real-life relationships or responsibilities

• Personalising the chatbot – Attributing emotions, intentions, or even supernatural qualities to AI

• Unusual beliefs or plans influenced by AI – For example, feeling guided on a mission or spiritual path

• Social withdrawal – Withdrawing from family, friends, or meaningful activities

• Dependence – Feeling unable to cope or stay grounded without AI interaction

While not a full list, these signs illustrate the kinds of shifts that may indicate something is amiss. If such patterns persist or intensify, it’s important to take them seriously and consider seeking professional guidance. 

Supportive Steps You Can Take

If you’re concerned about yourself or someone you care for, here are some practical steps:

• Encourage balance – Set limits on AI use, especially late at night or during stressful times.

• Strengthen human connections – Regular, face-to-face support from friends, family, or communities can provide grounding and perspective. 

• Build digital literacy – Understanding that AI does not “think” or “feel” like a person can reduce the risk of over-identifying with it. 

• Seek professional support early – Psychosis is treatable, and early intervention makes a difference. 

• Use tech safeguards – Many platforms offer reminders and safety tools to promote healthy breaks.  

Staying Grounded in a Digital World

So, should we be worried about “AI Psychosis”? For most, AI is a helpful and convenient tool. But for some, especially those who are vulnerable, it can blur the line between reality and illusion. Awareness and balance are key. By staying grounded in real-life relationships and noticing when reliance on AI becomes unhealthy, we can enjoy its benefits without losing touch with ourselves.

If you or someone you love is struggling, please know that help is available. Reaching out to a mental health professional can provide support and guidance towards recovery.

Kpods Explained: Risks, Reasons, and How to Offer Support

The truth is, the answer is rarely simple. While the headlines often highlight the dangers, it’s equally important to understand the human side: why people turn to Kpods, what risks they face, and how we can respond with care 

If you are a parent concerned about your child, see our article: Kpods and Teens: A Practical Guide for Parents. 

What Are Kpods?

Kpods are vape pods laced with ketamine, a dissociative drug sometimes used in hospitals as an anaesthetic. More recently, another drug, Etomidate, has also been found in some of these laced vapes. Etomidate is a powerful anaesthetic meant for use in hospitals under strict medical supervision. Outside of that controlled setting, its effects can be unpredictable and dangerous. 

When used outside of medical supervision, the effects can be unpredictable and serious. 

Side effects include: 

• Shaking or tremors 

• Slurred speech and confusion 

• Loss of balance and difficulty walking 

• Memory blackouts or detachment from reality 

• Damage to adrenal glands, intestines, and brain 

• Mental health risks: depression, anxiety, panic attacks, sleep disturbances, and psychosis 

Even one-time use can be dangerous, and repeated use increases the likelihood of long-term physical and psychological harm. 

Why Do People Use Kpods?

Despite the risks, people rarely use Kpods just to “get high.” Often, substance use is a response to emotional pain or unmet needs. There’s usually more going on beneath the surface. 

• Escaping pain or stress: Ketamine’s dissociative effect can feel like an escape from reality, while Etomidate’s sedative properties can temporarily numb emotional distress. 

• Fitting in with peers: Peer influence and the need to “fit in” can play a big role in experimentation, especially if the risks are downplayed. 

• Curiosity: Stories or conversations about Kpods, especially those that do not mention the risks, can spark a desire to try them “just once.” 

• Curiosity: Stories or conversations about Kpods, especially those that do not mention the risks, can spark a desire to try them “just once.”Chasing a stronger experience: Regular vape users may be drawn to the idea of “stronger hits,” unaware of the potent and dangerous drugs inside.  

How to Support Someone Using Kpods 

If someone you care about is using Kpods or laced vapes, your response matters. Fear or frustration is natural, but support works best when it is rooted in empathy, not shame. Focus on leading the conversation with empathy and curiosity. 

What to avoid: 

• “Just stop it.” 

• “You’re destroying your life.” 

• “I’ll report you if you don’t quit.” 

What to try instead: 

• “I’ve noticed you haven’t been yourself lately. Are you okay?” 

• “Let’s talk about what you’ve been going through. It must have been hard on you.” 

• “I’m here to listen, not to judge.” 

These gentle openings build trust. When someone feels seen and understood, they are more likely to feel safe enough to open up. That’s when real change can begin.  

Encouraging Professional Help 

Recovery is not a straight line. It is a journey with setbacks, detours, and gradual change. But with the right support, individuals can learn to manage better and overcome addiction.  

If someone is open to it, encourage them to speak with a psychologist or addiction counsellor.  

Therapy can help with:  

• Identifying emotional triggers 

• Learning healthy ways to cope 

• Rebuilding a sense of self-worth 

• Setting goals and creating structure 

• Reducing harm while working towards change 

If it’s an emergency: 

• Call 995 or go  

Where to get help: 

• NAMS Helpline: 6732 6837 

• National Mindline: 1771 (for personal support and guidance) 

If the person is unconscious, hallucinating, or in immediate danger, call 995 or go to the nearest A&E.  

A Final Thought 

If you or someone you love is caught up in Kpod use, please remember that recovery starts with choice, not shame. This is not about being a “bad person” or a “bad friend” or “bad parent.” It’s about facing a challenge that can feel overwhelming, and finding the right help to move forward. At our clinic, we believe in meeting people where they are, with compassion and understanding, and practical strategies for change. You’re not alone in this journey. 

The Unspoken Stress of the Sandwich Generation

You’re raising children while also caring for ageing parents. Managing school drop-offs, pick-ups, doctor’s appointments and work deadlines, while somehow keeping track of homework, payments, medication schedules and emotional meltdowns.

Everyone needs something from you. But there never seems to be enough of you to go around.

But behind the role is a person who’s stretched thin. Tired, overwhelmed, and quietly grieving the life they no longer have the capacity to live.

And often, the ones you care for don’t even ask how you are.

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The guilt is relentless

You feel guilty for not being present enough with your children.
You feel guilty when you snap at your parents or forget a medical appointment.
You feel guilty about wanting time for yourself, or rather, about wanting to run away from it all.

You replay conversations in your head, wondering if you could’ve been more. More patient. More present. More available.

Sometimes the expectations are spoken. Other times, they come from within. You tell yourself you should cope better. That other people manage. That you need to push through.

But guilt often grows in the gap between what you expect of yourself and what you’re humanly able to give.

And when you’re carrying multiple roles with no room to rest or refuel, that gap widens fast.

You’re not failing. You’re doing your best in impossible conditions.

The loneliness is loud

Many in the sandwich generation don’t talk about their struggles. There’s pressure to appear capable. Responsible. Grateful. Filial.

So you swallow your exhaustion. You push through the sadness. You tell yourself others have it harder, and that you should just cope.

But swallowing the struggle only makes you feel lonelier.

It’s OK to say this is hard. It’s OK to want support. Naming your reality is not complaining. It’s authenticity. It’s courage. It’s your truth.

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Signs you might be running on empty

Ψ You wake up already exhausted
Ψ You’re emotionally numb or unusually irritable
Ψ You cry often, sometimes without knowing why
Ψ You feel trapped, resentful, or hopeless
Ψ You think about disappearing, not out of harm, but to escape the weight

These are not signs of weakness. They’re signals that your body and mind are running out of reserve.

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What helps

1. Name your needs, out loud
Many in the sandwich generation have spent so long caring for others that they’ve forgotten how to advocate for themselves. Start small. “I need a break this weekend.” “I need someone else to handle the groceries.” “I’m not OK.”

2. Share the load, even if it’s imperfect
You don’t have to do it all, or do it perfectly. Let your partner do the bedtime routine, even if they forget the right toothbrush. Let your sibling take over one of the medical appointments. Outsource when you can. Release the grip of control where it’s safe to do so.

3. Carve out true rest
Not scrolling in bed. Not catching up on housework. But something that nourishes you. A nap. A shower. A cup of tea. Reading. Walking. Sitting alone. Closing your eyes for a bit. It might only be 10 minutes. Protect it like it matters, because it does.

4. Grieve without guilt
You’re allowed to mourn the life you thought you’d have. You’re allowed to feel frustrated. You’re allowed to not love every moment. None of this makes you a bad parent, child, or spouse. It just means you’re human.

5. Seek safe spaces
Whether it’s therapy, a support group, or a trusted friend, find people who don’t need you to be strong all the time. You deserve spaces where your needs are front and centre too.

6. Add elements to look forward to
Don’t let parenting or caregiving dull your life. Do what you like with the people you love. Share in the enjoyment. Listen to a favourite beat. Eat some comfort food. Watch a childhood show or movie. Do a silly face or dance. You don’t need to sacrifice your happiness in the process. Pair these elements with activities in the routine.

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You are not failing

If no one has told you lately: You are doing so much.
You are allowed to feel weary. You are allowed to need help.
You are allowed to exist not just as someone else’s support system.

It’s not selfish to care for yourself. It’s survival.

And you need care too.

PMS Myths: Busted!

Due to lack of understanding, the public’s perception of PMS has become a stereotypical pool of negative connotations. Some misconceptions range from dismissing women’s feelings as irrational to viewing women as victims of their biology. These misconceptions have far-reaching impacts, affecting not just women individually, but society as a whole. Invalidating women's emotions and experiences may perpetuate existing gender stereotypes, downplaying women’s abilities.

Over time, women may feel like they have to struggle in silence, resulting in feelings of isolation and poor mental health. Additionally, these misconceptions could create biases in workplaces and hinder them from equal access to better opportunities. Today, we will tackle 3 myths of PMS and set the record straight! 

Myth #1: All women experience PMS  

Some women do not experience PMS symptoms at all. How PMS is experienced varies from each individual and symptoms can range from mild to debilitating. Just because an individual experiences some premenstrual symptoms does not mean she has PMS. PMS is only medically diagnosed when persistent and debilitating symptoms such as intense mood changes, severe cramps and difficulty concentrating have a significant negative impact on an individual’s life. High levels of stress, a family history of depression or vitamin deficiencies place individuals at a higher risk of experiencing PMS. 

Busted: Experiencing premenstrual symptoms does not mean you have premenstrual syndrome. 

 

Myth #2: PMS only leads to bad moods 

Experiencing mood swings or irritability is just one aspect of PMS. An individual experiencing PMS may encounter a combination of several different physical and emotional symptoms. Some of these symptoms include:  

Physical symptoms 

• Headache or backache  

• Bloating or gassy feeling 

• Constipation or diarrhea 

• Tender breasts  

Emotional symptoms 

• Feeling tired  

• Appetite changes or food cravings  

• Tension or anxiety  

• Depression or feelings of sadness  

Busted: PMS involves more than just bad moods – it includes a variety of physical and emotional symptoms.  

 

Myth #3: PMS is all in the mind  

Did you know that changing levels of hormones such as estrogen and progesterone causes PMS? Fluctuations of these hormones have been shown to lead to changes in mood, causing feelings of irritability and anxiety. These fluctuations can also cause chemical changes in our brains. Furthermore, neurotransmitters such as serotonin and dopamine, crucial for regulating emotions and behaviors, face a decline during menstruation. These changes result in depressed or low moods and bring rise to sleep difficulties.  

Busted: PMS is a result of biological fluctuations in your body that result in physical and emotional changes. 

 

Myth #4: PMS and PMDD are the same  

PMDD, also known as premenstrual dysphoric disorder, causes more extreme symptoms as compared to PMS. Individuals may experience symptoms such as cramps, palpitations, suicidal thoughts and sudden tearfulness. Symptoms of PMDD can be debilitating and make daily activities hard. If you suspect your loved one is facing PMDD, it is crucial you guide them to a mental health professional. 

Busted: PMDD is a severe form of PMS that requires medical treatment. 

More than 90% of women have reported experiencing at least one PMS symptom in their life. Hence, it is important for all of us to have a more accurate understanding of PMS. If you or your loved one is struggling with overwhelming PMS symptoms, do not hesitate to reach out to a mental health professional who can help you find ways to better manage it.  

Vaginismus: Mental Health Support & Coping Strategies

What is Vaginismus?  

Something to do with the vagina?   

Yup! Vaginismus is when the muscles around the vaginal area tense up involuntarily whenever something tries to go in, be it a tampon, a penis, or even during a pelvic exam. Vaginismus tension can cause discomfort or pain, making penetration difficult or even impossible. It’s a condition that can affect intimacy and sometimes reduce sexual desire because let’s face it, pain and pleasure don’t exactly go hand-in-hand.  

Shhhh! Are You Too Shy to Talk About It?  

We get it—talking about vaginas isn’t everyone’s idea of light conversation over kopi. But here’s a surprising fact: vaginismus is one of the top sexual health concerns among Singaporean women.   

According to KK Women’s and Children’s Hospital (KKH), 9 out of 10 patients at their Sexual Health Clinic are diagnosed with vaginismus. That’s a lot! And it’s likely underreported because talking about sex-related issues can still feel paiseh in our culture.  

What Causes Vaginismus?  

There’s no single cause of vaginismus, but vaginismus often stems from a mix of emotional, psychological, or social factors such as:  

Trauma or Negative Experiences: Past sexual abuse or trauma can trigger an involuntary fear response.  

Psychological Factors: Anxiety about pain, whether from fears of tearing the hymen or worries about the penis being “too big”, can create a mental block that the body physically reacts to.  

Cultural and Social Influences: Growing up in environments where sex is considered taboo or shameful can lead to anxiety and aversion to intimacy.    

Other possible causes include prior injuries or medical conditions.  

Vaginismus and Your Mental Health  

Here’s where the mind-body connection comes into play. Anxiety is often at the root, creating a frustrating cycle: the fear of pain causes muscle tightening, which leads to pain, which then reinforces the fear and repeats the cycle.  

Over time, this can affect self-esteem, with thoughts like, “Am I abnormal?” or “Am I failing as a partner?” are all too common. Partners may also feel confused or frustrated, especially if they don’t understand what’s happening. Without support, this stress can lead to depression.  

Can I Ever Experience Comfortable Intercourse Again?  

Here’s the good news: vaginismus is treatable, and we don’t have to face it alone. Options like pelvic floor therapy, counselling, and gradual desensitisation can work wonders. A good first step is speaking with a gynaecologist or psychologist to uncover the underlying causes and find the best way forward.  

If anxiety is a key factor, here are some psychological strategies to try:  

Ψ Self-compassion  

Remind yourself that painful or uncomfortable intercourse is not your fault. Vaginismus is a physical and emotional response, not a reflection of your feelings or capabilities.  

Reframing your thoughts and tell yourself “It’s not that I don’t love my partner; it’s just that this feels painful right now.” Allow yourself to take some time and accept that you might be experiencing vaginismus and remember that treatments are available.   

Ψ Relax your body  

A) 4-7-8 Breathing  

B) Progressive muscle relaxation 

C) Guided imaginary     

1. Sit or lie down in a quiet and cosy spot. 

2. Close your eyes and take deep breaths.  

3. Picture a serene place, like a quiet beach with the sound of waves. Imagine what you can see, hear, smell, touch and taste.  

4. Visualise your body relaxing, rooted to the ground (especially around the pelvic area – hips, back, abdomen), and with each exhale, feel the tension leaving your body.  

5. Hold onto this peaceful image, breathing slowly and deeply, for a few minutes. Let the calm wash over you.  

And of course, communicate openly with your partner! Honestly share your feelings and struggles while explaining what you’re going through. Together, you can discuss ways to approach intimacy that feels safe and comfortable.  

How do I support my partner who has vaginismus?     

Ψ “Take it slow.”  

Patience and understanding would be the greatest gift you can offer. Avoid forcing, blaming, or guilt-tripping your loved one when they are not ready for intimacy. A slow and steady pace is often what they need to feel safe, allow them to set the pace and respect it.  

Ψ “You are not alone, I can help.”  

Learning more about vaginismus to understand what they are going through will help you approach the conversation with sensitivity and care. Show empathy by listening to their feelings and experiences by asking open-ended questions like, “How can I support you?” or “What would make this easier for you?”.   

You can also offer practical help, like accompanying them to medical or therapy appointments if they feel comfortable. Your presence can provide reassurance and show that they are not alone in this journey. 

Fertility Stress in Men: Causes, Impact, and How to Cope

Fertility Stress in Men: Breaking the Stigma and Finding Support

Many men who face fertility challenges remain silent. Not because they’re unaffected, but because they’ve been told, directly or indirectly, that their emotions don’t matter. That they shouldn’t talk about it. That masculinity means strength, and strength means never struggling.

But the truth is this: struggling to conceive can affect men deeply.

It can challenge your sense of self, your confidence, and your relationship. It can bring shame, frustration, and a grief that’s hard to name.

Why Men Often Grieve in Private   

In many cultures, men are raised to fix problems, not talk about them. Fertility difficulties, then, feel like something unfixable. Something that makes you feel helpless. That helplessness often gets internalised as failure or weakness.

You might find yourself thinking:

Ψ “I’m not enough.”
Ψ “I should be stronger than this.”
Ψ “Why can’t I just cope and move on?”

These thoughts are common. But they’re not fair or realistic.

How Fertility Stress Affects Men

Stress related to fertility doesn’t just live in your head. It can affect your body, mood, sex drive, and energy. Research shows that chronic stress may interfere with testosterone levels, sperm quality, and libido, creating a cycle of anxiety and shame.

Fertility-related stress can also:

Ψ Cause irritability, withdrawal, or emotional numbness
Ψ Trigger sleep difficulties and reduced motivation
Ψ Lead to tension in relationships, especially when both partners are grieving differently

This kind of distress is real. And can be managed.

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Managing Fertility Stress: What Helps  

1. Name what you’re feeling

Suppressing emotions may seem like the strong thing to do, but it often makes stress louder. Instead, try giving your experience a name: grief, anger, shame, frustration.

You don’t need to say it all perfectly. Try starting with:

Ψ “I didn’t think this would hit me so hard.”
Ψ “I feel useless, and I don’t know what to do with that.”

Naming an emotion is the first step in loosening its grip.

2. Talk to your partner: More than just the plan, but also the pain

Men often go into “solution mode” during fertility struggles. But emotional connection matters more than quick fixes.

You might say:

Ψ “I don’t know how to fix this, but I want us to get through it together.”
Ψ “I feel like I’m supposed to be the strong one, but I’m struggling too. Let’s try and figure this out together.”

These conversations can feel vulnerable. But they build closeness, not weakness. Your partner might even appreciate the fact that you don’t seem as “okay” as you appear, as that could validate their own struggles.

3. Challenge Old Beliefs

Thoughts like “If I were man enough, this wouldn’t happen” or “Needing help makes me weak” are echoes of old messages, not truths.

Try cognitive reframing to challenge them:

Ψ “Struggling makes me human, not less of a man.”
Ψ “Getting support is taking responsibility for my wellbeing.”

4. Redefine strength

True strength isn’t silence. It’s about your resilience, honesty, and connection. Fertility challenges don’t define your worth, and speaking up doesn’t make you weak.

Ask yourself:

Ψ What kind of man do I want to be in this season
Ψ What kind of compassion or support would I hope to receive from others?
Ψ How can I show up for myself with that same compassion?

You’re Not Alone

Fertility stress can shake your confidence in ways you didn’t expect. It’s not a measure of masculinity but a sign of how deeply you care about your future and your family.

You don’t have to carry this weight alone. If fertility stress is affecting your mental health or relationships, reaching out for professional support can make a difference.

Understanding Trauma Responses and How to Heal

Trauma doesn’t always stem from one life-changing event. It can arise from a single experience, a series of repeated events, or a buildup of stress over time. In response, our brains and bodies develop automatic mechanisms to protect us—these are known as trauma responses.

These reactions often happen reflexively, without conscious choice. While they may have helped us survive in the past, trauma responses can disrupt daily life, relationships, and emotional well-being if left unaddressed.

What Are Trauma Responses?

Trauma responses are instinctive reactions to perceived danger. These reactions are shaped by the brain’s effort to keep us safe based on past threats. Even long after the threat is gone, these responses can remain activated, especially in people who have experienced ongoing or complex trauma.

The 4 Trauma Response Types: Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn

Fight Response

The fight response is characterised by confrontation. This can manifest as irritability, defensiveness, or aggression. While it may appear rooted in anger, it’s often driven by fear and the need to regain control in threatening situations.

Helpful in true danger, but may cause interpersonal conflict when over-activated.

Flight Response

The flight response involves escape. It may look like avoiding conflict, overworking, or feeling the urge to leave situations that feel overwhelming, whether it’s physically or emotionally.

Flight offers protection, but constant avoidance can limit connection and growth.

Freeze Response

Like a deer in headlights, the freeze response involves shutting down. You might feel numb, detached, or stuck, unable to speak or move. This mental “pause” helps the brain cope by disconnecting from the moment.

May delay healing if emotions remain unprocessed or repressed.

Fawn Response

The fawn response is the least talked about. It involves appeasing others to avoid conflict or danger. People who fawn may over-apologise, struggle with boundaries, or place others’ needs before their own to maintain safety and approval.

Over time, this leads to emotional exhaustion and unhealthy relationships.

Common Signs of Trauma in Daily Life

Even when the traumatic event is long past, trauma responses can continue to affect how we think, feel, and relate to others.

Hypervigilance

A state of constant alertness and scanning for danger even when none exists. This may cause overreactions in situations that feel “normal” to others.

Emotional Dysregulation

Difficulty managing emotions. You may shut down, feel numb, lash out, or experience intense mood swings without clear triggers.

Negative Self-Perception

People with unresolved trauma often internalise harmful self-beliefs (“I’m not good enough,” “I’m unlovable”). These aren’t facts, but echoes of how others treated them.

Difficulty Trusting Others

Trauma can create a deep-rooted fear of rejection or betrayal, leading to withdrawal, isolation, or fear of intimacy, even when connection is desired.

How to Heal from Trauma: Steps Toward Recovery

Understanding your trauma is the first step toward healing. Here are small but meaningful ways to start your journey.

Try Grounding & Breathing Exercises

Techniques like box breathing or the 5-4-3-2-1 method bring you back to the present when anxiety or panic sets in.

Journal to Process Emotions

Journalling helps you organise thoughts, release built-up tension, and track your healing journey over time.

Practise Restorative Self-Care

Prioritise rest, nourishment, and comfort. This may include spending time in nature, engaging in hobbies, or simply taking breaks when needed.

When to See a Psychologist for Trauma Support

You don’t have to heal alone. A clinical psychologist can help you:

• Understand your trauma responses

• Rebuild a sense of safety and trust

• Learn healthy coping strategies

• Strengthen relationships and emotional resilience

Therapy provides a safe space to process trauma without judgment and develop practical tools to support your mental health long-term.

Final Thoughts

Healing from trauma isn’t linear. It’s okay if you take two steps forward and one step back. What matters is that you’re moving forward at your own pace with tools, awareness, and support.

If you’re ready to take that first step, reach out to our psychologists to begin your healing journey today.

Coping After Losing a Loved One to Suicide

You might be asking questions no one can answer. Or feeling emotions that seem to contradict each other: sadness, guilt, anger, even relief, and then guilt again for feeling relief. It’s common. And it doesn’t make you a bad person. Or a bad friend, partner, or sibling.

Grieving after suicide is different. Let’s talk about how to survive it, piece by piece.

Ψ Give space to complicated feelings

You may notice your emotions shifting rapidly. Shock, regret, rage, deep sorrow, numbness. Grief after suicide rarely feels linear.

This is partly because suicide loss carries what we call disenfranchised grief, which is grief that isn’t always openly acknowledged. People don’t know what to say. They avoid the topic altogether. That silence can make you feel even more alone in your pain.

It helps to name what you’re feeling, even just to yourself.

“I’m furious and I miss them.”

“I feel guilty, even though I know it’s not my fault.”

These are complex truths, and they can coexist.

Ψ Let go of the urge to find a neat explanation

After suicide, the mind often goes into detective mode: Was there a clue I missed? Was there something I could have done?

This kind of thinking is natural. It’s a way our brain tries to regain control after something that feels senseless.

But suicide is almost never the result of a single moment, or a single failure. It’s often the culmination of prolonged internal distress that the person may have hidden well. Hindsight can make things look clearer than they ever were at the time.

Guilt and responsibility are heavy burdens to carry but they’re not the same as truth. Acknowledge the desire to believe that you could have done more. But remind yourself it is not realistic.

Ψ Stay connected, especially when you want to withdraw

Grief has a way of isolating us. You may feel like no one could possibly understand, or that it’s easier to stay quiet. But staying connected, even in small ways, is protective.

Talk to someone who can sit with your pain without rushing to fix it. It may be a friend, a therapist, or someone in a support group who’s walked this road too.

If words are hard, you can start with presence. Sit beside someone. Share a cup of tea. Let yourself be around people who make space for you as you are.

 Ψ Engage in rituals that help you make meaning

When someone dies by suicide, there is often no goodbye, no closure. You might be left with unsaid words or unresolved hurt.

Creating your own rituals can help bridge that gap. You might write a letter, light a candle, revisit a shared place, or do something they once loved doing. These are ways of continuing bonds, something grief researchers have found can help the healing process.

Remembering the whole person, their humour, their kindness, their struggles, can help shift your focus from how they died to how they lived.

Ψ Notice how grief is showing up in your body

Grief doesn’t just affect your thoughts. It can show up physically. Fatigue, heaviness in your chest, disrupted sleep or appetite changes.

It’s okay to rest more. To eat simple meals. To let yourself do less.

Some people find movement helpful, like short walks, stretches, even just stepping outside for a few minutes. Others find comfort in breathing exercises or grounding techniques (like naming what you see, hear, and feel in the present).

Caring for your body while grieving isn’t about “fixing” anything. It’s about creating small moments of safety, or “normalcy”.

Ψ If the grief becomes too heavy

Sometimes, especially with traumatic or sudden loss, the pain can tip into despair. You might find yourself overwhelmed with thoughts you didn’t expect, or a numbness that feels frightening.

If this happens, please reach out. Call a helpline. Speak to a psychologist. Let someone know that it’s too much right now.

You don’t have to wait until you're “really struggling”. There’s no threshold of suffering you need to meet before you ask for support.

What healing might look like, eventually…

You may not believe this now, but the pain won’t always feel this raw. Over time, many people find that their relationship with the loss changes.

You may begin to remember with more warmth than pain. You may speak their name again. You may laugh without guilt. These are not signs you’ve “moved on”. They’re signs you’re learning to live alongside the loss.

Grief is not something to “get over”. It’s something you live with. And in that living, you can still find joy, meaning and connection.

If you’ve lost a loved one to suicide and are struggling to cope, you don’t have to figure it out alone.

You are surviving something deeply painful. And you deserve care through it. Let us know if you need a listening ear.

Trauma Anniversaries: Understanding how you feel and how to cope

Trauma anniversaries can be a result of private (e.g. sexual assault, domestic violence or childhood abuse) or public trauma (e.g. natural disasters, terrorist attacks or political violence). Whether private or public, trauma anniversaries can stir up intense emotions and symptoms. These reactions are normal, and they are known as anniversary reactions.   

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Why do trauma anniversaries occur? 

Trauma affects both our minds and bodies. When a traumatic event occurs, our body activates its fight, flight, or freeze response to protect us from the overwhelming danger. When this trauma is not fully processed, this survival response becomes overactive. Resultingly, cues that remind us of the traumatic event can trigger this intense reaction, even when there is no real threat.  

As the trauma anniversary nears, we may feel more on edge as our body reacts to perceived threats. These cues can be internal, such as emotional or physical states (i.e. feeling the same emotions or bodily sensations felt during the trauma). Cues can also be external, such as time-based (i.e. seasonal changes, time of year) or environmental triggers (i.e. sights, sounds, smells). Encountering a cue can activate the body’s survival response and can leave you feeling anxious, nervous or scared. 

However, these trauma reminders are not always negative. In some cases, they can support the healing process. For example, the anniversary of a loss may bring memories of a loved one and offer space to process your grief more deeply. Media coverage of a public tragedy can also rally survivors together and facilitate community support. 

For trauma anniversary signs in children and how to support them, check out our parenting guide.

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Trauma Anniversary Symptoms  

Trauma anniversaries can often make PTSD symptoms worse. You may experience feelings of self-judgement and question “Why am I still bothered by this?”. Or you may face anticipation anxiety, dreading the day for fear you will struggle.  

Other common symptoms include: 

• Reliving the event 

• Most common symptom  

• Re-experiencing the feelings, bodily responses and thoughts that occurred during the trauma  

• Avoidance  

• Avoidance of anything related to the traumatic event (i.e. people, places, objects) 

• Negative changes in beliefs and feelings  

• Old thoughts or feelings of guilt or shame may return  

• Daily mood affected (e.g. sad, anxious, nervous)  

• Affects how they relate to others (i.e. friends and family) 

• Feeling “on edge” (hyperarousal) 

• Constantly feeling jittery, nervous or worried  

• Difficulties sleeping or having nightmares  

• More reactive to small triggers (i.e. irritable, easy to anger) 

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How can we feel better? 

Over time, the distress will become less frequent and less intense. Most people start to feel better within a week or two after the anniversary of the traumatic event. While symptoms can feel overwhelming, there are effective strategies to help you cope.  

1. Caring for Your Physical Health  

Your physical health pays a big role in your mental well-being. A balanced diet, regular exercise and sufficient rest is especially important when dealing with trauma anniversaries, as they help regulate emotions and build emotional resilience. 

Exercise releases endorphins, commonly known as “happy hormones” that reduce anxiety and boost our mood. What you eat can significantly impact your mood. So, eating nutrient-rich foods can ensure your energy levels are stable and improve your feelings of anxiety, fatigue or irritability. Lastly, rest is crucial in facilitating recovery from trauma. Sleep helps restore your brain function, regulates your moods and calms your nervous system. Rest is not a luxury; it’s a necessity when coping with anniversary trauma.  

2. Lean on your loved ones 

When facing something as heavy as trauma, it is important to surround yourself with people who make you feel safe, seen and supported. Surround yourself with people who respect your boundaries, listen without judgement and show genuine concern. Remember, you are not alone! When trauma anniversary symptoms surface, reach out to someone you trust to get support. 

3. Journalling  

Writing down your thoughts and feelings can be a powerful way to reduce your anniversary trauma symptoms. Writing it down can help you acknowledge and process all the complex emotions you may be feeling. It can express emotions or thoughts that are too hard to say out loud, providing an outlet to reduce emotional overwhelm and facilitate healing.  

4. Try Calming Exercises  

Heart pounding, hands shaking and thoughts racing – when our survival response takes over, it can be difficult to steady ourselves admists the overwhelming emotions. Mindfulness exercises can help bring awareness to our emotions, calm our nervous system, and reground us to the present.  

5. Seek Professional Help 

Trauma is not something to dismiss or minimise. When left unaddressed, it can become deeply rooted and lead to serious mental health challenges such as depression, anxiety and emotional dysregulation. Sometimes, self-care alone is not enough – and that is okay! There is no shame in asking for help. Just like how you would visit a doctor when your body’s not feeling well, it can be helpful to visit a mental health professional if you have been struggling with your mental health. Therapists, counsellors and psychologists are trained to create a safe space where you feel supported, understood and heard. Asking for help is the bravest thing you can do for yourself. 

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Anniversary trauma and the distressing feelings, thoughts and physical symptoms it brings can be incredibly difficult to face. Navigating trauma can sometimes feel like an endless dark tunnel. But take heart – healing is possible. Lean on those who love you and be patient with yourself.  

Healing is never linear. Every small step forward makes all the difference to recovery.