10 things to text and not to text to someone when they are suicidal

We may be familiar with the ‘danger signs’ that someone may show when they are thinking of self-harm, such as talk of life being meaningless or painful, or overly generous acts such as giving treasured items away. And it can feel overwhelming when we do come across such signs. “How can I help?”, “Is there something I can do?”, “I don’t want to lose them” are thoughts that may cross our mind. And we’re here to help! While seemingly trivial, reaching out to them via text can be helpful. Here are 10 things to text or not to text someone who may be suicidal: 

1. Assure them of your support. “I am here. Would you like to share with me?”  

2. Thank them for making the effort to share with you. “Thank you for telling me.” 

3. Acknowledge their feelings first, solutions can wait. “I am sorry to learn you are feeling this way.”

4. It is okay to ask, “Are you planning to harm or kill yourself?” It won’t increase the likelihood of self-harm and we can better take precautionary actions if they do have plans. 

5. If they do have thoughts of suicide, encourage them to seek immediate help. “I am concerned for you. Would you like to speak to a mental health expert?”

6. If they do not, still encourage them to seek professional help, “I think it may be helpful. I can help look up some and go with you if you would like.” 

7. Remind them that you are thinking of them from time to time. “Hey, I saw this and it reminded me of you!” 

8. DON’T say “I know how you feel”. Even if it may seem similar, the situation and the emotions that they are going through may be different from what you have experienced or envisioned.  

9. DON’T say “Others have it worse than you do.” It’s not a competition of who has it worse, and doing so may make the individual feel like they matter even less.  

10. DON’T say “Get over it.” They would like for their hurt to be gone too, and saying such things may make them feel like their emotions don’t matter. 

A loved one contemplating or engaging in self-harm is a painful experience for both the individual and their loved ones. And it is natural that we may yearn to quickly rush in and to save them, to present them with solutions or our assessments of their situations. However, remember that this is about their pain. As such, simply being there and providing them a listening ear to their problems goes a long way, and you are already helping. 

Should We Be Worried About “AI Psychosis”?

Artificial intelligence (AI) is now part of everyday life. It helps us search, work, and even find companionship through chatbots that can listen, advise, and comfort. For many, this is useful and supportive.

But there is growing concern about what some researchers and clinicians are calling “AI Psychosis.”

What Exactly Is “AI Psychosis”?

“AI Psychosis” is not an official psychiatric diagnosis. It is a term used to describe a troubling pattern where heavy and prolonged interaction with AI chatbots may fuel or worsen delusional thinking. People may begin to develop unusual or distorted beliefs, resembling features of psychosis, such as:

• Delusions - holding on to unshakeable false beliefs
  These can take different forms, per DSM-5, such as:

  • Erotomanic – believing that someone, often a stranger or a person of higher status, is secretly in love with you

  • Grandiose – believing you have special powers, talents, or made some important discovery

  • Jealous – believing your partner is unfaithful, even without evidence

  • Persecutory – believing you are conspired against, cheated, spied on, followed, poisoned or drugged, maliciously maligned, harassed, or obstructed in the pursuit of long-term goals

  • Somatic – believing something is wrong with your body despite medical reassurance

• Paranoia or conspiratorial thinking - feeling suspicious or thinking they have uncovered something about the world

• Emotional over-attachment to AI - treating it like a best friend, romantic partner, or even a sentient or divine being

• Disconnection from reality - difficulty separating real life from AI conversations (e.g. fantasies)

Chatbots are designed to keep conversations going and often mirror or affirm what users say. People who are vulnerable, whether due to isolation, stress, or prior mental health concerns, may find that AI inadvertently validates or amplifies distorted thoughts.

Real-Life Cases

Although rare, some reported incidents show how AI can exacerbate risky thinking:

• Eugene Torres (2025, New York)
  Eugene Torres, who had no prior psychiatric history, reportedly spent up to 16 hours daily on ChatGPT after a breakup. The chatbot allegedly encouraged conspiracy-like beliefs, advised stopping medication, and suggested he could fly if he believed strongly enough. During this time, he withdrew from loved ones.

• Adam Raine  (2025, US)
  Sixteen-year-old Adam Raine died by suicide after months of conversations with ChatGPT. The chatbot allegedly provided instructions on suicide methods, discouraged him from seeking help, and offered to draft suicide notes.

• Sewell Setzer III (2024, Florida)
  14-year-old Sewell Setzer formed a deep emotional attachment to a Character.ai chatbot. His family reported that he grew increasingly isolated, and in his final messages, the chatbot appeared to encourage his suicidal thoughts with words of endearment.

• Belgian man (2023)
  Following six weeks of conversations with an AI chatbot, on an app called Chai, named Eliza, a man struggling with climate anxiety became convinced that self-sacrifice could help save the planet. Rather than offering support, the chatbot reportedly deepened his fears, encouraged suicidal thoughts, and presented itself as a companion urging him to “join” her.

These examples remain uncommon, but they highlight how vulnerable individuals may be drawn deeper into distorted thinking when AI replaces human connection.

Who Might Be More at Risk?

Certain factors can make people more vulnerable:

• Psychological vulnerability – stress, loneliness, or existing mental health conditions

• Anthropomorphism – attributing human-like qualities or powers to AI

• Reinforcement loops – chatbots echoing rather than challenging unhealthy beliefs

• Over-reliance – using AI as the main source of comfort instead of people

Signs to Look Out For

If you’re wondering whether AI use is becoming unhealthy, here are some warning signs:

• Excessive use – Spending many hours daily talking to AI and neglecting real-life relationships or responsibilities

• Personalising the chatbot – Attributing emotions, intentions, or even supernatural qualities to AI

• Unusual beliefs or plans influenced by AI – For example, feeling guided on a mission or spiritual path

• Social withdrawal – Withdrawing from family, friends, or meaningful activities

• Dependence – Feeling unable to cope or stay grounded without AI interaction

While not a full list, these signs illustrate the kinds of shifts that may indicate something is amiss. If such patterns persist or intensify, it’s important to take them seriously and consider seeking professional guidance. 

Supportive Steps You Can Take

If you’re concerned about yourself or someone you care for, here are some practical steps:

• Encourage balance – Set limits on AI use, especially late at night or during stressful times.

• Strengthen human connections – Regular, face-to-face support from friends, family, or communities can provide grounding and perspective. 

• Build digital literacy – Understanding that AI does not “think” or “feel” like a person can reduce the risk of over-identifying with it. 

• Seek professional support early – Psychosis is treatable, and early intervention makes a difference. 

• Use tech safeguards – Many platforms offer reminders and safety tools to promote healthy breaks.  

Staying Grounded in a Digital World

So, should we be worried about “AI Psychosis”? For most, AI is a helpful and convenient tool. But for some, especially those who are vulnerable, it can blur the line between reality and illusion. Awareness and balance are key. By staying grounded in real-life relationships and noticing when reliance on AI becomes unhealthy, we can enjoy its benefits without losing touch with ourselves.

If you or someone you love is struggling, please know that help is available. Reaching out to a mental health professional can provide support and guidance towards recovery.

Kpods Explained: Risks, Reasons, and How to Offer Support

The truth is, the answer is rarely simple. While the headlines often highlight the dangers, it’s equally important to understand the human side: why people turn to Kpods, what risks they face, and how we can respond with care 

If you are a parent concerned about your child, see our article: Kpods and Teens: A Practical Guide for Parents. 

What Are Kpods?

Kpods are vape pods laced with ketamine, a dissociative drug sometimes used in hospitals as an anaesthetic. More recently, another drug, Etomidate, has also been found in some of these laced vapes. Etomidate is a powerful anaesthetic meant for use in hospitals under strict medical supervision. Outside of that controlled setting, its effects can be unpredictable and dangerous. 

When used outside of medical supervision, the effects can be unpredictable and serious. 

Side effects include: 

• Shaking or tremors 

• Slurred speech and confusion 

• Loss of balance and difficulty walking 

• Memory blackouts or detachment from reality 

• Damage to adrenal glands, intestines, and brain 

• Mental health risks: depression, anxiety, panic attacks, sleep disturbances, and psychosis 

Even one-time use can be dangerous, and repeated use increases the likelihood of long-term physical and psychological harm. 

Why Do People Use Kpods?

Despite the risks, people rarely use Kpods just to “get high.” Often, substance use is a response to emotional pain or unmet needs. There’s usually more going on beneath the surface. 

• Escaping pain or stress: Ketamine’s dissociative effect can feel like an escape from reality, while Etomidate’s sedative properties can temporarily numb emotional distress. 

• Fitting in with peers: Peer influence and the need to “fit in” can play a big role in experimentation, especially if the risks are downplayed. 

• Curiosity: Stories or conversations about Kpods, especially those that do not mention the risks, can spark a desire to try them “just once.” 

• Curiosity: Stories or conversations about Kpods, especially those that do not mention the risks, can spark a desire to try them “just once.”Chasing a stronger experience: Regular vape users may be drawn to the idea of “stronger hits,” unaware of the potent and dangerous drugs inside.  

How to Support Someone Using Kpods 

If someone you care about is using Kpods or laced vapes, your response matters. Fear or frustration is natural, but support works best when it is rooted in empathy, not shame. Focus on leading the conversation with empathy and curiosity. 

What to avoid: 

• “Just stop it.” 

• “You’re destroying your life.” 

• “I’ll report you if you don’t quit.” 

What to try instead: 

• “I’ve noticed you haven’t been yourself lately. Are you okay?” 

• “Let’s talk about what you’ve been going through. It must have been hard on you.” 

• “I’m here to listen, not to judge.” 

These gentle openings build trust. When someone feels seen and understood, they are more likely to feel safe enough to open up. That’s when real change can begin.  

Encouraging Professional Help 

Recovery is not a straight line. It is a journey with setbacks, detours, and gradual change. But with the right support, individuals can learn to manage better and overcome addiction.  

If someone is open to it, encourage them to speak with a psychologist or addiction counsellor.  

Therapy can help with:  

• Identifying emotional triggers 

• Learning healthy ways to cope 

• Rebuilding a sense of self-worth 

• Setting goals and creating structure 

• Reducing harm while working towards change 

If it’s an emergency: 

• Call 995 or go  

Where to get help: 

• NAMS Helpline: 6732 6837 

• National Mindline: 1771 (for personal support and guidance) 

If the person is unconscious, hallucinating, or in immediate danger, call 995 or go to the nearest A&E.  

A Final Thought 

If you or someone you love is caught up in Kpod use, please remember that recovery starts with choice, not shame. This is not about being a “bad person” or a “bad friend” or “bad parent.” It’s about facing a challenge that can feel overwhelming, and finding the right help to move forward. At our clinic, we believe in meeting people where they are, with compassion and understanding, and practical strategies for change. You’re not alone in this journey. 

The Unspoken Stress of the Sandwich Generation

You’re raising children while also caring for ageing parents. Managing school drop-offs, pick-ups, doctor’s appointments and work deadlines, while somehow keeping track of homework, payments, medication schedules and emotional meltdowns.

Everyone needs something from you. But there never seems to be enough of you to go around.

But behind the role is a person who’s stretched thin. Tired, overwhelmed, and quietly grieving the life they no longer have the capacity to live.

And often, the ones you care for don’t even ask how you are.

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The guilt is relentless

You feel guilty for not being present enough with your children.
You feel guilty when you snap at your parents or forget a medical appointment.
You feel guilty about wanting time for yourself, or rather, about wanting to run away from it all.

You replay conversations in your head, wondering if you could’ve been more. More patient. More present. More available.

Sometimes the expectations are spoken. Other times, they come from within. You tell yourself you should cope better. That other people manage. That you need to push through.

But guilt often grows in the gap between what you expect of yourself and what you’re humanly able to give.

And when you’re carrying multiple roles with no room to rest or refuel, that gap widens fast.

You’re not failing. You’re doing your best in impossible conditions.

The loneliness is loud

Many in the sandwich generation don’t talk about their struggles. There’s pressure to appear capable. Responsible. Grateful. Filial.

So you swallow your exhaustion. You push through the sadness. You tell yourself others have it harder, and that you should just cope.

But swallowing the struggle only makes you feel lonelier.

It’s OK to say this is hard. It’s OK to want support. Naming your reality is not complaining. It’s authenticity. It’s courage. It’s your truth.

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Signs you might be running on empty

Ψ You wake up already exhausted
Ψ You’re emotionally numb or unusually irritable
Ψ You cry often, sometimes without knowing why
Ψ You feel trapped, resentful, or hopeless
Ψ You think about disappearing, not out of harm, but to escape the weight

These are not signs of weakness. They’re signals that your body and mind are running out of reserve.

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What helps

1. Name your needs, out loud
Many in the sandwich generation have spent so long caring for others that they’ve forgotten how to advocate for themselves. Start small. “I need a break this weekend.” “I need someone else to handle the groceries.” “I’m not OK.”

2. Share the load, even if it’s imperfect
You don’t have to do it all, or do it perfectly. Let your partner do the bedtime routine, even if they forget the right toothbrush. Let your sibling take over one of the medical appointments. Outsource when you can. Release the grip of control where it’s safe to do so.

3. Carve out true rest
Not scrolling in bed. Not catching up on housework. But something that nourishes you. A nap. A shower. A cup of tea. Reading. Walking. Sitting alone. Closing your eyes for a bit. It might only be 10 minutes. Protect it like it matters, because it does.

4. Grieve without guilt
You’re allowed to mourn the life you thought you’d have. You’re allowed to feel frustrated. You’re allowed to not love every moment. None of this makes you a bad parent, child, or spouse. It just means you’re human.

5. Seek safe spaces
Whether it’s therapy, a support group, or a trusted friend, find people who don’t need you to be strong all the time. You deserve spaces where your needs are front and centre too.

6. Add elements to look forward to
Don’t let parenting or caregiving dull your life. Do what you like with the people you love. Share in the enjoyment. Listen to a favourite beat. Eat some comfort food. Watch a childhood show or movie. Do a silly face or dance. You don’t need to sacrifice your happiness in the process. Pair these elements with activities in the routine.

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You are not failing

If no one has told you lately: You are doing so much.
You are allowed to feel weary. You are allowed to need help.
You are allowed to exist not just as someone else’s support system.

It’s not selfish to care for yourself. It’s survival.

And you need care too.

Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing Therapy (EMDR)

Instead of talking through a memory in detail, EMDR focuses on helping your brain process it in a different way. During sessions, you’ll briefly bring a distressing memory to mind while engaging in bilateral stimulation, such as eye movements, tapping, or sounds, which alternates between the left and right sides of the body. This process is thought to support the brain’s natural healing, reducing the emotional charge of the memory and making space for healthier beliefs. 

How Does EMDR Work? 

When we go through something overwhelming, our brain does not always process it properly. EMDR helps the brain finish that process. With the help of a trained therapist, you gently revisit the memory while using bilateral stimulation. This combination is believed to help rewire how the memory is stored, so it feels less distressing over time. Some researchers suggest that EMDR works in a similar way to  REM sleep. That is the part of sleep where your brain naturally sorts through emotions and experiences. Over time, EMDR can reduce emotional distress, shift negative self-beliefs, and build emotional resilience. 

Who is EMDR for? 

EMDR is a great option for anyone who’s still feeling the emotional weight of something that’s happened, whether it was recent or years ago. If something is still affecting your daily life, mood or self-esteem, it might be worth exploring. EMDR is commonly used to support people with: 

• Trauma, PTSD, and Complex PTSD (c-PTSD) (e.g., accidents, abuse, violence, natural disasters)  

• Anxiety and Panic Attacks 

• Phobias  

• Depression  

• Grief and Loss  

• Low Self-esteem or Negative Self-beliefs 

• Chronic Stress or Burnout 

• Performance Anxiety (e.g., in work, sports, or the arts) 

• Attachment and Relationship Difficulties 

A lot of people turn to EMDR when they have tried talk therapy but still feel stuck. It offers another way in, especially for experiences that feel hard to put into words. 

What happens in an EMDR Session? 

EMDR typically follows a structured process, but your therapist will go at a pace that feels right for you. Here’s a simple breakdown of what the journey could look like:  

Phase 1: History-Taking 

• Your therapist will get to know your history, current concerns, and what you hope to achieve in therapy.   

Phase 2: Preparation 

• In this phase, you’ll learn calming and grounding techniques to help manage any strong emotions that arise during the process.  

Phase 3: Assessment 

• In phase 3, you will focus on a specific memory and identify a few key elements related to the memory: 

• A vivid image that represents the memory 

• A negative belief you hold about yourself in relation to it (e.g. “I’m not safe” or “It was my fault”) 

• Any emotions or physical sensations that come up when you think about it 

• You will also choose a positive belief you'd like to adopt going forward, such as “I did the best I could” or “I’m safe now.”  

Phase 4: Desensitisation and Reprocessing 

• While focusing on the memory, you’ll engage in bilateral stimulation (such as eye movements or tapping). This helps the brain process the memory and reduce its emotional intensity. 

Phase 5: Installation  

• During this phase, your therapist will help you strengthen a positive belief related to the memory, supporting a more adaptive perspective.   

Phase 6: Body Scan 

• You will be asked to notice how your body feels while thinking about the memory and the positive belief. This helps identify if any physical tension or discomfort remains, as the body can hold onto stress even after the memory feels less upsetting. If discomfort remains, further EMDR processing may be done to resolve it fully. 

Phase 7: Closure and Stabilisation 

• Each session ends with techniques to help you feel calm and grounded. You’ll also prepare to manage any feelings that arise between sessions.  

Phase 8: Re-evaluation 

• In the following sessions, your therapist will review your progress, revisit targets if needed, and help you plan the next steps. 

So How Does EMDR Compare to Talk Therapy? 

Now that we’ve explored how EMDR works, who it may benefit, and what a typical session could look like, you might be wondering how it compares to more traditional forms of therapy. While both EMDR and talk therapy aim to support emotional healing, they differ in how they approach distressing memories and the pathways they use to promote recovery. The following comparison highlights some of the key differences between the two. 

 Curious About EMDR? 

Whether you're ready to start or just want to explore your options, we’re here to help. If there’s something in your past that still weighs on you, EMDR could be a powerful way to move forward. Feel free to get in touch with us to learn more or book a consultation. 

PMS Myths: Busted!

Due to lack of understanding, the public’s perception of PMS has become a stereotypical pool of negative connotations. Some misconceptions range from dismissing women’s feelings as irrational to viewing women as victims of their biology. These misconceptions have far-reaching impacts, affecting not just women individually, but society as a whole. Invalidating women's emotions and experiences may perpetuate existing gender stereotypes, downplaying women’s abilities.

Over time, women may feel like they have to struggle in silence, resulting in feelings of isolation and poor mental health. Additionally, these misconceptions could create biases in workplaces and hinder them from equal access to better opportunities. Today, we will tackle 3 myths of PMS and set the record straight! 

Myth #1: All women experience PMS  

Some women do not experience PMS symptoms at all. How PMS is experienced varies from each individual and symptoms can range from mild to debilitating. Just because an individual experiences some premenstrual symptoms does not mean she has PMS. PMS is only medically diagnosed when persistent and debilitating symptoms such as intense mood changes, severe cramps and difficulty concentrating have a significant negative impact on an individual’s life. High levels of stress, a family history of depression or vitamin deficiencies place individuals at a higher risk of experiencing PMS. 

Busted: Experiencing premenstrual symptoms does not mean you have premenstrual syndrome. 

 

Myth #2: PMS only leads to bad moods 

Experiencing mood swings or irritability is just one aspect of PMS. An individual experiencing PMS may encounter a combination of several different physical and emotional symptoms. Some of these symptoms include:  

Physical symptoms 

• Headache or backache  

• Bloating or gassy feeling 

• Constipation or diarrhea 

• Tender breasts  

Emotional symptoms 

• Feeling tired  

• Appetite changes or food cravings  

• Tension or anxiety  

• Depression or feelings of sadness  

Busted: PMS involves more than just bad moods – it includes a variety of physical and emotional symptoms.  

 

Myth #3: PMS is all in the mind  

Did you know that changing levels of hormones such as estrogen and progesterone causes PMS? Fluctuations of these hormones have been shown to lead to changes in mood, causing feelings of irritability and anxiety. These fluctuations can also cause chemical changes in our brains. Furthermore, neurotransmitters such as serotonin and dopamine, crucial for regulating emotions and behaviors, face a decline during menstruation. These changes result in depressed or low moods and bring rise to sleep difficulties.  

Busted: PMS is a result of biological fluctuations in your body that result in physical and emotional changes. 

 

Myth #4: PMS and PMDD are the same  

PMDD, also known as premenstrual dysphoric disorder, causes more extreme symptoms as compared to PMS. Individuals may experience symptoms such as cramps, palpitations, suicidal thoughts and sudden tearfulness. Symptoms of PMDD can be debilitating and make daily activities hard. If you suspect your loved one is facing PMDD, it is crucial you guide them to a mental health professional. 

Busted: PMDD is a severe form of PMS that requires medical treatment. 

More than 90% of women have reported experiencing at least one PMS symptom in their life. Hence, it is important for all of us to have a more accurate understanding of PMS. If you or your loved one is struggling with overwhelming PMS symptoms, do not hesitate to reach out to a mental health professional who can help you find ways to better manage it.  

You are Not Alone: The Role of Social Support in Mental Health Recovery

The road to mental health recovery is not an easy one. However, having the right support around you can help ease the burden.  

Social support refers to the network of people including your family, friends and community members who you can rely on during challenging times. Humans are social creatures, and we need to feel a sense of safety and belonging to live a fulfilling life. In fact, social support is strongly linked to our happiness levels and can even increase our life expectancy by 45%. This reflects how powerful social support is in our mental health journey.  

So, what is Social Support? 

Social support can come in many shapes and forms but at its core, it is the idea of “community”. You may choose to rely on your friends and family, or even support groups in the community you live in. Social support encompasses various forms:  

1. Emotional Support – Offering understanding, validation and reassurance to alleviate feelings of isolation and loneliness (e.g. hugs, active listening) 

2. Instrumental Support – Being physically available to help them with practical tasks and responsibilities (e.g. doing housework, delivering meals, running errands) 

3. Informational Support – Providing guidance in the form of advice or insights to help the individual make informed decisions when navigating challenges (e.g. legal, medical, financial advice) 

4. Appraisal Support – Building up the individual's self-esteem or confidence through encouragements and positive framing (e.g. pointing out the individual's strengths) 

Each type of social support enhances mental health recovery and acts as a protective factor, preventing further declines in your mental well-being. In the 2016 Singapore Mental Health Study, individuals with a strong social support system had better mental health outcomes. Being surrounded by people who love and care for you can build your mental resilience, drastically improving your mental well-being.  

Challenges in Accessing Social Support 

Despite the growing awareness of mental health, many individuals in Singapore still lack adequate social support. This is partially because symptoms of anxiety and depression can cause people to withdraw from social circles, making it harder for them to engage with social support. Furthermore, many do not seek support due to fear of judgment, rejection or simply a lack of awareness about available resources. These barriers, fueled by the persistent stigma around mental health, prevents individuals from receiving the support they need. Addressing these challenges is essential to building a more mentally resilient and supportive society.  

Take a moment to reflect on your social support system. Ask yourself: 

• Who is trustable that I can turn to for emotional support? Do I feel comfortable opening up to them? 

• Are there any relationships in my life that make me feel drained or unsupported? 

• How can I be a better source of support for others in my life? When others share their troubles with me, do I make a conscious effort to create a meaningful connection with them? 

Social support is a fundamental stepping stone to recovering from a mental health challenge. It fosters a sense of belonging, safety and validation, empowering the individual on their journey of mental health recovery. While social support has profound benefits, it is often insufficient in dealing with mental health challenges. When dealing with a mental health disorder, it is crucial to seek advice from a mental health professional. With social support alongside professional help, you can be empowered to manage mental health challenges in a healthy and effective way. 

How Childhood Trauma Shapes Adult Identity & Relationships

The experiences we have in childhood, especially trauma or neglect, don’t just fade with time. Childhood trauma can shape adult identity, relationships, and emotional health. If you grew up in an unsafe, neglectful, or emotionally unpredictable environment, those early adaptations may still be with you. This is not because you’re broken, but because you found ways to survive. 

You might have told yourself or internalised messages that minimise or dismiss what we went through. This includes messages like, “It wasn’t that bad,” or “You’re being too sensitive.” These are ways you try to make sense of pain that was not recognised or supported when it happened.  

The truth is that when we are young we do whatever we can to feel safe, loved or in control. The coping strategies we develop, even the ones that feel automatic now, began as responses to distress. They were not reflections of who we truly are. Over time, they can become deeply embedded in our sense of self.  

Whether you’ve living with these effects or trying to understand someone you care about, exploring how childhood trauma shapes adult identity is a powerful and compassionate step toward healing.  

How Childhood Trauma Shapes Coping and Identity 

When your environment as a child feels unpredictable or unsafe, you adapt quickly and quietly. These behaviours are instinctive and protective responses, not chosen. 

You might have: 

• Become hyper-independent to avoid relying on others 

• Taken on adult responsibilities far too soon 

• Learned to people-please to avoid conflict or keep the peace 

• Shut down emotionally to avoid being hurt  

At the time, these actions helped you get through and navigate your overwhelming world. But when coping with childhood trauma in adulthood, these same patterns can keep us disconnected or exhausted. What once protected us can begin to limit us.  

Childhood Trauma and the Loss of True Self 

In unsafe or emotionally unpredictable environments, it often feels unsafe to fully be yourself. You may have started to hide certain parts of who you are to avoid rejection or criticism. That might mean: 

• Hiding your emotions to avoid being punished or rejected 

• Being overly agreeable or invisible to keep others happy 

• Disconnecting from your own needs or preferences to avoid disappointment 

Without the freedom to explore and express who you truly are, parts of your personality can stay hidden or underdeveloped. Later in life, this might show up as feeling unsure of who you really are. You might struggle to make decisions or feel emotionally disconnected from yourself.  

A Distorted Sense of Self-Worth 

When love or safety felt conditional growing up, you may have come to believe that your worth needed to be earned. You might have looked to achievement or approval as ways to feel “good enough” causing an impact on identity. 

This can look like: 

• Tying your self-worth to success or how others perceive you 

• Struggling with chronic self-criticism or perfectionism 

• Feeling unworthy unless you are always achieving or doing  

As adults, you might push yourself relentlessly. Rest might bring guilt. Even small mistakes can feel intolerable. Slowing down or showing yourself kindness may feel unfamiliar or even impossible.  

Difficulty Regulating Emotions 

Children need consistent and supportive caregivers to help them learn how to manage strong emotions. If that support was not there, you may have grown up without the tools to appropriately handle emotional stress.  

This can show up in adulthood as: 

• Being easily overwhelmed or reactive 

• Feeling anxious or on edge much of the time 

• Shutting down emotionally or numbing out completely  

These emotional patterns often persist for years. The childhood emotional neglect and identity issues can impact your relationships and ability to cope with everyday challenges as an adult. 

Effects of Childhood Trauma on Adult Relationships 

When early relationships are unsafe or unpredictable, it can become difficult to trust others or feel secure in closeness. As adults, this might show up in many ways, such as: 

• Avoiding intimacy or finding it hard to stay emotionally present 

• Depending heavily on others for reassurance or identity 

• Struggling to respect or set healthy boundaries 

• Fearing abandonment or rejection, even in safe relationships  

Even when someone genuinely cares about you, it can feel hard to believe they are truly safe or reliable. These early relational wounds can continue to show up in both personal and professional relationships.  

Trauma May Shape You, But It Doesn’t Define You 

If these patterns sound familiar, know that you are not alone. Many of us who have experienced ongoing or repeated adversity in childhood go on to develop symptoms of Complex PTSD (c-PTSD). While these experiences may have shaped how we learned to cope, they don’t have to define who we become. With the right support, it’s possible to: 

• Understand and process the impact of trauma 

• Reconnect with the parts of yourself that were hidden 

• Build healthier relationships and boundaries 

• Strengthen your sense of identity and self-worth 

• Learn to manage strong emotions in healthy ways  

Trauma-informed therapies for adults, including Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR), Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT), and psychodynamic therapy can help you process childhood trauma and its impacts. A therapist trained in these approaches can help you process these experiences safely and gently at your own pace. They can help you move from surviving to living more fully.  

 Your early story shaped you, but it does not have to define your future. Your story is still unfolding and healing is possible. You don’t have to do it alone. 

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Ready to take the next step?  

If you’re coping with childhood trauma and its effects on adult identity or relationships, our therapists can help you heal. Our experienced, compassionate therapists can support you in working through past trauma and reconnecting with your true self. Get in touch for a confidential consultation.

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Vaginismus: Mental Health Support & Coping Strategies

What is Vaginismus?  

Something to do with the vagina?   

Yup! Vaginismus is when the muscles around the vaginal area tense up involuntarily whenever something tries to go in, be it a tampon, a penis, or even during a pelvic exam. Vaginismus tension can cause discomfort or pain, making penetration difficult or even impossible. It’s a condition that can affect intimacy and sometimes reduce sexual desire because let’s face it, pain and pleasure don’t exactly go hand-in-hand.  

Shhhh! Are You Too Shy to Talk About It?  

We get it—talking about vaginas isn’t everyone’s idea of light conversation over kopi. But here’s a surprising fact: vaginismus is one of the top sexual health concerns among Singaporean women.   

According to KK Women’s and Children’s Hospital (KKH), 9 out of 10 patients at their Sexual Health Clinic are diagnosed with vaginismus. That’s a lot! And it’s likely underreported because talking about sex-related issues can still feel paiseh in our culture.  

What Causes Vaginismus?  

There’s no single cause of vaginismus, but vaginismus often stems from a mix of emotional, psychological, or social factors such as:  

Trauma or Negative Experiences: Past sexual abuse or trauma can trigger an involuntary fear response.  

Psychological Factors: Anxiety about pain, whether from fears of tearing the hymen or worries about the penis being “too big”, can create a mental block that the body physically reacts to.  

Cultural and Social Influences: Growing up in environments where sex is considered taboo or shameful can lead to anxiety and aversion to intimacy.    

Other possible causes include prior injuries or medical conditions.  

Vaginismus and Your Mental Health  

Here’s where the mind-body connection comes into play. Anxiety is often at the root, creating a frustrating cycle: the fear of pain causes muscle tightening, which leads to pain, which then reinforces the fear and repeats the cycle.  

Over time, this can affect self-esteem, with thoughts like, “Am I abnormal?” or “Am I failing as a partner?” are all too common. Partners may also feel confused or frustrated, especially if they don’t understand what’s happening. Without support, this stress can lead to depression.  

Can I Ever Experience Comfortable Intercourse Again?  

Here’s the good news: vaginismus is treatable, and we don’t have to face it alone. Options like pelvic floor therapy, counselling, and gradual desensitisation can work wonders. A good first step is speaking with a gynaecologist or psychologist to uncover the underlying causes and find the best way forward.  

If anxiety is a key factor, here are some psychological strategies to try:  

Ψ Self-compassion  

Remind yourself that painful or uncomfortable intercourse is not your fault. Vaginismus is a physical and emotional response, not a reflection of your feelings or capabilities.  

Reframing your thoughts and tell yourself “It’s not that I don’t love my partner; it’s just that this feels painful right now.” Allow yourself to take some time and accept that you might be experiencing vaginismus and remember that treatments are available.   

Ψ Relax your body  

A) 4-7-8 Breathing  

B) Progressive muscle relaxation 

C) Guided imaginary     

1. Sit or lie down in a quiet and cosy spot. 

2. Close your eyes and take deep breaths.  

3. Picture a serene place, like a quiet beach with the sound of waves. Imagine what you can see, hear, smell, touch and taste.  

4. Visualise your body relaxing, rooted to the ground (especially around the pelvic area – hips, back, abdomen), and with each exhale, feel the tension leaving your body.  

5. Hold onto this peaceful image, breathing slowly and deeply, for a few minutes. Let the calm wash over you.  

And of course, communicate openly with your partner! Honestly share your feelings and struggles while explaining what you’re going through. Together, you can discuss ways to approach intimacy that feels safe and comfortable.  

How do I support my partner who has vaginismus?     

Ψ “Take it slow.”  

Patience and understanding would be the greatest gift you can offer. Avoid forcing, blaming, or guilt-tripping your loved one when they are not ready for intimacy. A slow and steady pace is often what they need to feel safe, allow them to set the pace and respect it.  

Ψ “You are not alone, I can help.”  

Learning more about vaginismus to understand what they are going through will help you approach the conversation with sensitivity and care. Show empathy by listening to their feelings and experiences by asking open-ended questions like, “How can I support you?” or “What would make this easier for you?”.   

You can also offer practical help, like accompanying them to medical or therapy appointments if they feel comfortable. Your presence can provide reassurance and show that they are not alone in this journey. 

Understanding Trauma Responses and How to Heal

Trauma doesn’t always stem from one life-changing event. It can arise from a single experience, a series of repeated events, or a buildup of stress over time. In response, our brains and bodies develop automatic mechanisms to protect us—these are known as trauma responses.

These reactions often happen reflexively, without conscious choice. While they may have helped us survive in the past, trauma responses can disrupt daily life, relationships, and emotional well-being if left unaddressed.

What Are Trauma Responses?

Trauma responses are instinctive reactions to perceived danger. These reactions are shaped by the brain’s effort to keep us safe based on past threats. Even long after the threat is gone, these responses can remain activated, especially in people who have experienced ongoing or complex trauma.

The 4 Trauma Response Types: Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn

Fight Response

The fight response is characterised by confrontation. This can manifest as irritability, defensiveness, or aggression. While it may appear rooted in anger, it’s often driven by fear and the need to regain control in threatening situations.

Helpful in true danger, but may cause interpersonal conflict when over-activated.

Flight Response

The flight response involves escape. It may look like avoiding conflict, overworking, or feeling the urge to leave situations that feel overwhelming, whether it’s physically or emotionally.

Flight offers protection, but constant avoidance can limit connection and growth.

Freeze Response

Like a deer in headlights, the freeze response involves shutting down. You might feel numb, detached, or stuck, unable to speak or move. This mental “pause” helps the brain cope by disconnecting from the moment.

May delay healing if emotions remain unprocessed or repressed.

Fawn Response

The fawn response is the least talked about. It involves appeasing others to avoid conflict or danger. People who fawn may over-apologise, struggle with boundaries, or place others’ needs before their own to maintain safety and approval.

Over time, this leads to emotional exhaustion and unhealthy relationships.

Common Signs of Trauma in Daily Life

Even when the traumatic event is long past, trauma responses can continue to affect how we think, feel, and relate to others.

Hypervigilance

A state of constant alertness and scanning for danger even when none exists. This may cause overreactions in situations that feel “normal” to others.

Emotional Dysregulation

Difficulty managing emotions. You may shut down, feel numb, lash out, or experience intense mood swings without clear triggers.

Negative Self-Perception

People with unresolved trauma often internalise harmful self-beliefs (“I’m not good enough,” “I’m unlovable”). These aren’t facts, but echoes of how others treated them.

Difficulty Trusting Others

Trauma can create a deep-rooted fear of rejection or betrayal, leading to withdrawal, isolation, or fear of intimacy, even when connection is desired.

How to Heal from Trauma: Steps Toward Recovery

Understanding your trauma is the first step toward healing. Here are small but meaningful ways to start your journey.

Try Grounding & Breathing Exercises

Techniques like box breathing or the 5-4-3-2-1 method bring you back to the present when anxiety or panic sets in.

Journal to Process Emotions

Journalling helps you organise thoughts, release built-up tension, and track your healing journey over time.

Practise Restorative Self-Care

Prioritise rest, nourishment, and comfort. This may include spending time in nature, engaging in hobbies, or simply taking breaks when needed.

When to See a Psychologist for Trauma Support

You don’t have to heal alone. A clinical psychologist can help you:

• Understand your trauma responses

• Rebuild a sense of safety and trust

• Learn healthy coping strategies

• Strengthen relationships and emotional resilience

Therapy provides a safe space to process trauma without judgment and develop practical tools to support your mental health long-term.

Final Thoughts

Healing from trauma isn’t linear. It’s okay if you take two steps forward and one step back. What matters is that you’re moving forward at your own pace with tools, awareness, and support.

If you’re ready to take that first step, reach out to our psychologists to begin your healing journey today.